people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
