No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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