so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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