Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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