I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
