yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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