so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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