His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
