I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
