well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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