so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
