his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
