I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
