you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
