So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
