I got chris browned last night
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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