you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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