This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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