literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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