rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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