six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
