Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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