I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
