my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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