I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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