She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
