11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize