I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
