All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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