my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
