I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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