I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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