they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
