to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
