I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
