i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sarcasm needs its own font
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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