oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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