Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
