No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
babies were throwing up all over the place
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
