is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If I die, sorry about rent.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize