i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
