I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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