Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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