My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
