it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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