Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
