Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
