so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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