Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
