I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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