i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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