he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
being pregnant is like rehab
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
