three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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