I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
