Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
