Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
