i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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