That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
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Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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