I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize