omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize