First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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