It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
