You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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