Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We just shotgunned beers for America
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
