saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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