Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize