2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
