Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
