the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The power of my boobs compel you
Drunk is a universal language darling
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
