How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
